Bringing Your Adoptive Child Home

The day your adoptive child finally comes to your home will be exciting and terrifying for both of you. It should be a gradual process. 

Remember that you are far more excited than your new child is. Your child is scared. Moving from house to house may have become a way of life. While you see this as an exciting new adventure in your life, your child is wondering how long THIS one is going to last. Be sensitive to these emotions, and respectful of your child’s wishes.

Transitions should take place over a long period. They should begin you meeting your child in the foster home. This allows your child some sense of control. While they can’t control whether or not they move to your home, you can meet on “safe” ground.

Visits

Your second visit will probably take place in the foster home again. You may stay at the home during the visit, or possibly take your child out for lunch.

Slowly you will begin to transition visits to your home. You can expect your child to want to see the rooms that were in the pictures if you made a scrapbook. This visit will probably bring out some anxiety in your child. Plan a calm activity, such as coloring, or a board game, to help ease him into this visit. Once your child is comfortable with visits in your home, you can then begin overnight stays. The first time should no t be more than one night. Again, expect some anxiety. Gradually the number of nights will increase. If these go well, your adoption worker will probably set a date for your child to move in permenantly.

The total time of the transition will depend on the child and the adoption worker. Some children need to move more quickly than others.

In addition to getting to know your child, spend this time talking to the foster parents. Learn about your child’s routines, likes and dislikes, behavioral issues and how they handle them, anything to make your child’s transition easier for her.

The temptation of new adoptive parents is to indulge their child with everything they want, and possibly didn’t have before. 

Children who haven’t had much in the terms of stability and material things, have a hard time handling so many new and expensive things all at once.

Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson

Allowing your child to help decorate or decide on colors for their bedroom is a good compromise. It helps the child to personalize their room, and make it feel like it’s theirs. Shopping and decorating together is a good way to bond, and start to develop a relationship.

Remember that the room now 'belongs' to the child - perhaps it used to be the guest bedroom or the sewing room - but now it should solely be your adoptive child's bedroom. Having their own personal space to 'retreat' to can be very reassuring if they get overwhelmed.